life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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