my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
