1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize