I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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