Fine. I'll sleep in my office
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
where am i from again
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
