Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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