some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
