Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
