I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
