I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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