I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
