after a month anything with tits is on the radar
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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