Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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