i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
