You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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