You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
