Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
