my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
