i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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