I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
