garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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