i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
