good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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