Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize