im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
