If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
