Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Randomize
