i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
