But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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