I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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