it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
