he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
