it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
