It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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