I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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