my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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