I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Randomize
