Already got asked if we're dating
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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