I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
