Don't you send me to vm
do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize