He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Just puked most of my soul out..
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
