lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
