I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
