Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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