do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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