her facebook's as public as her vagina
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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