you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
