Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Randomize