There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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