I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
