Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
