my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
