In America we eat man semen.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
