He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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