maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
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