You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
don't judge my taste in strippers
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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