I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Randomize
