It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
