every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
