Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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