She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
