I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize