I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
