Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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