Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
