sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
