So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
